OP-ED: The Overhaul Maryland’s Outdated Election System Needs
By: The Baltimore Informer Staff
The current race for Baltimore County Executive proves that our voting system needs a complete overhaul. Candidates like Julian Jones and Izzy Patoka spend months hitting up corporate donors to secure high-dollar campaign contributions. They read slick scripts and send text messages/social media posts written/curated by highly paid media consultants. We need to throw the multi-million-dollar campaign machine directly into Back River. Baltimore County and Marylanders in general should replace the entire election cycle with an aggressive live-television academic decathlon.
The first round will test raw competence on local infrastructure without any cheat sheets. Candidates must stand at a blackboard at the county office on Washington Avenue. For example, they will get five minutes to diagram the inner workings of the Baltimore County Department of Public Works. They must explain exactly why sewage overflows keep ruining local waterways. An obsessive outsider who studies county water data can easily crush a corporate politician who relies on automated summaries.
This is how college degrees used to be obtained once upon a time. Undergraduates would have to stand in front of a panel of professors and industry experts to defend or support positions. It was called oral arguments and it’s a real shame that went by the wayside.
Professional politicians lose their minds when they step out of their air-conditioned offices. Round two forces them to prove physical stamina and operational focus under pressure. Candidates must read through the entire multi-billion-dollar county budget proposal in a locked room. Then they must immediately head to a local gym to climb a twenty-foot wall and complete a mandatory fitness test. If a candidate cannot survive a basic physical hurdle without a team of handlers holding their elbows–they cannot handle a midnight crisis with the Baltimore County Police Department.
The final round tackles ethics and local developer cash. The moderator will pull direct examples from past zoning disputes and County Council legislative battles. Candidates must explain on live television why specific high-density zoning exemptions harm neighborhood stability. Corporate executives earn money by cutting backroom deals with wealthy land developers. They will fail this test while a regular citizen who reads the county charter will score maximum points.
It’s time to do away with outdated candidate forums/debates and do this instead. It worked for Billy Madison (a now classic 1990s Adam Sandler comedy) and it can work for Baltimore, Maryland. Now, how’s that for an acronym coincidence?
Note: This is a tongue-in-cheek opinion piece. The likelihood of the election system changing to this format is extremely low, but it’s nice to think outside the box every once in awhile.
